1 /5 Travis Morris: It was Christmas. Everything was closed. This place was the only option, and it leaned fully into that power.
Chicken teriyaki: two lonely chicken skewers. No sides. Barely any sauce. Just dry poultry on sticks, like a culinary afterthought.
Lo mein: bland, oily noodles that clearly gave up early. No seasoning, no vegetables, no ambition.
Beef and broccoli: tough beef, overworked broccoli, and a sauce so thin it felt more like a rumor than an ingredient.
Sweet and sour chicken: unexpectedly featured pineapple, because apparently we’re doing tropical surprises now. Nothing says “Chinese takeout” quite like biting into fruit you didn’t sign up for.
We briefly considered feeding it to the dogs, but decided that would be crossing a moral line.
If you’re ordering here because it’s the only place open, understand this: hunger may be uncomfortable, but it’s honest.